


The Death of Jean Kirschtein

by Rubilacxe_Rose



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Friendship, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 10:12:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13164762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubilacxe_Rose/pseuds/Rubilacxe_Rose
Summary: "I can't believe I listened to the suicidal bastard.'Jean! Can you hear me? Come on you idiot, you can't die now.'"Set after Chapter 69 of the Shingeki no Kyojin manga.





	The Death of Jean Kirschtein

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fanfic, which I originally published on Quotev and later published on FFN. It takes place right after chapter 69 of the Shingeki no Kyojin manga and is not canon-compliant. I hope you enjoy (and maybe cry)!  
> ~BWP

"Jean! Jean! JEAN!"

I can't believe I listened to the suicidal bastard.

"Jean! Oh god, that looks really bad."

If it weren't for him, I would be living a comfortable life inside Wall Sina as a member of the Military Police.

"Jean! Can you hear me? Come on you idiot, you can't die now!"

If it weren't for him, I never would have joined the Survey Corps and I sure as hell wouldn't be laying here bleeding and in pain.

"There's no way you're dead! Come on, Jean, open your eyes!"

"Eren, yelling at him isn't going to help. Jean, can you hear my voice?"

I slowly opened my eyes and blinked a few times. Looking down at me were Eren and Armin, both with tears beginning to form in their eyes.

"You're alive," Armin said while exhaling.

"Not-" I coughed, then began again, "Not for long."

"Don't say that!" Eren snapped. "You're going to make it."

I let out a shaky laugh. "Look at me, I'm missing half of a leg, so I'm losing a lot of blo-" I broke off, coughing again, "a lot of blood, and I'm sure that I broke quite a few ribs when I hit the grou-" More coughing. "The ground. There's no way I'll survive this."

Eren shut his eyes and clenched his jaw as tears silently spilled down his cheeks. Armin put a hand on his friend's shoulder, trying to wipe the tears that had already begun falling from his own eyes.

Opening his eyes again, Eren glared at me. "You can't die now," he insisted. "We're only a few hours away from Shiganshina now. We've come all this way and we're so close to finding out what my father kept in the basement all these years." Eren's voice took on a pleading, almost desperate tone. "Come on, Horseface, don't die on us now."

"What's going on over here?" I heard Connie's voice approaching. "What are you guys- Oh shit! Jean!"

"Jean! Oh god-" That was Sasha.

I turned my head slightly to the right as Connie and Sasha came up behind Armin. They both looked horrified as they saw the ground around me turning crimson with blood- my blood.

"Jean…" Connie began, tears quickly filling his eyes and pouring down his cheeks. "What happened to you?"

"AAAAAGGHHH!" Sasha burst into tears and started bawling uncontrollably.

"A Titan got me," I explained, taking in another shaky breath. "It bit off my leg, then I fell to the ground. I landed pretty hard." I winced, feeling sharp pain in my chest with every breath.

"Jean?"

"Oi, what happened?"

Levi and Mikasa were now standing to my left, behind Eren (who still looked like he wanted to punch death in the face so that I wouldn't die).

"You're dying, Kirschtein?" Levi asked, though it sounded more like a statement. For once, however, I could see concern and sorrow in his eyes. I was the first member of his new squad to die, I realized. As strange as it sounds, he must care about me too, even if he rarely shows it.

Mikasa, who also maintains a stoic composure at all times (aside from when Eren is in danger), was looking down at me with obvious sadness in her eyes. A single tear traced down her cheek, crossing the scar on her face. This girl, Mikasa, has always been a mystery to me. Beautiful and strong, seemingly emotionless- although I don't have a crush on her anymore, I still really admire her. Seriously, that woman is amazing.

I glanced around at my other comrades. Each one of them has greatly affected my life.

Sasha (who was still sobbing into Connie's shoulder), was like a little sister to me. "Potato Girl" was lively and enthusiastic, and had great instincts and hunting skills. We always argued with and insulted and annoyed each other, but I truly cared about her, and I'm sure she felt the same.

Connie, Eren, and Armin- those three are like the brothers I never had. (Although I'd never let the suicidal bastard hear me say that.)

Connie was like my little brother. The kid was funny and loved to mess around with Sasha, his best friend. But he was also very dedicated to fighting for humanity, and always tried to be brave in the face of danger. Even as I lay dying, bleeding on the ground, he still managed to put his brave face on; there was nothing cowardly about the tears staining his cheeks.

Armin, the most intelligent person I've ever met, a loyal friend to Eren and Mikasa and his comrades, a brave and devoted soldier, someone willing to take risks and even sacrifice everything for the sake of humanity- I was glad to have him by my side in my final moments.

Even the suicidal bastard, Eren Jaeger; I'm glad he was there too. Despite all of our arguments, shouting matches, physical fights, differences of opinion, clashing personalities, opposing desires and dreams, and every other reason why we never got along, in the end I considered him my friend, and, yes, my brother. We went through so much together, endured so many hardships, mourned so many comrades, and suffered so much grief and heartbreak. Ultimately, I was inspired by Eren, someone with more determination and conviction than anyone else I'd ever met.

All of my squad was here with me now, with the exception of Historia (who, for obvious reasons, had to stay in the Capital rather than come on the mission to Shiganshina).

My vision started to become blurry. I realized that I didn't have much time left. This was it.

Gazing around at each of my friends, I struggled to speak. "You guys-" Another bout of coughing shook my weakening body.

"Jean, don't try to speak," Armin said gently, placing a hand on my shoulder.

Since this was the end for me, there was no point in trying to save my breath. Though my whole body was in pain and my breathing grew increasingly labored, I tried to speak again.

"You guys… Levi-heichou, Mikasa, Sasha, Connie, Armin, Eren… Thank you. Thank you all…so much…for everything you've done for me. You've been…great friends and comrades, and I'm very…very proud to have served alongside you. I am proud…to call you my brothers…and my sisters."

At this point, Sasha was practically howling as tears streamed down her face. She and Connie had their arms around each other now, comforting each other as they both cried. Mikasa's face was wet with silent tears, and even Levi's eyes seemed to glisten. Armin's hand was still on my shoulder, but despite his previous calm, his body was now shaking with sobs. Eren's green eyes were red-rimmed and would have looked scary if I hadn't seen them like that before. This time, however, it wasn't rage that distorted his face and caused him to tremble; this time it was grief as he watched me die- so he cared about me as a brother too.

I was aware that my face was wet with not only blood but tears as well. The pain, both physical and emotional, was too much for me. I could feel myself shaking as my death approached.

My life flashed before my eyes- my mother making omelets for me as a child; bringing her food when she was sick; leaving home to join the Trainee Corps; her voice as she told me to be careful and to make friends; sneering and yelling at Eren for wanting to wipe out all the Titans; blushing as I told Mikasa that her long black hair was beautiful; bragging to Connie about my ambitions of joining the Military Police; yelling at Sasha for getting in my way during 3DMG training; the cook-off judged by Commander Pixis; graduating from the 104th in sixth place; fighting the Titans in Trost District; seeing Eren transform into a Titan; finding Marco's dead, decaying corpse; watching the corpses of my fallen comrades burn on a funeral pyre; choosing to join the Survey Corps; going on the 57th Expedition; encountering the Female Titan; following Armin's plan to defeat and capture Annie; screaming at her for freezing herself in that damned crystal; joining Squad Levi; learning that Reiner, Bertoldt, and Ymir were also Titan-shifters who betrayed us; Krista revealing that her real name is Historia; fighting the Central MP's; rescuing Eren several times; taking control of the government; defeating Rod Reiss in his massive Titan form; Historia being crowned queen; and now, the mission to reach Shinganshina, fill the hole in Wall Maria, and discover the secrets of Dr. Jaeger's basement. This was my final mission, and I would never see its completion.

Feeling my life fading, I summoned all my strength to speak again. "Please tell my mother…that I'm sorry for treating her poorly…and for not coming back alive… Tell her that I'm…very grateful for everything…that she's done…for me."

Armin sniffled. "Of course we will," he choked out, squeezing my shoulder.

"We're really gonna miss you, man," Connie added, his voice quavering.

I turned my gaze to Eren. 'Humanity's last hope,' they called him. I remembered how I had once told him that, since we were all relying on him, he had to make sure to succeed and not let us down.

"Eren," I rasped, my voice sounding frail and weak. "Finish…this mission… All of humanity is…counting on you…you suicidal bastard. Promise me that…you won't fail."

I lifted my hand, which was covered in my own blood, and he grabbed it in his. It was the same gesture we made the first time we argued. We've come so far since then.

"I won't fail," Eren promised, tears still spilling down his cheeks.

As the world seemed to get darker and quieter, I wondered what would happen once I was dead. Where would I go? Surely I would fade into nothingness. The thought scared me, but I braced myself for whatever would come. With Eren's hand gripping mine, Armin's hand on my shoulder, and the rest of my comrades standing around me, I knew that there was nowhere else I'd rather die.

Using the last of my strength, I spoke one more time. "Thank you all…for being my comrades…for fighting alongside me…for giving me so many…good memories…for caring about me…as my friends…for showing me…that things worth fighting for…need to be fought for… Thank you…all…for teaching me…how…to be…a soldier."

And with those words, my hand went slack in Eren's, a chilling darkness surrounded me, and my breathing slowed to a stop in one last, long breath.

Then I slipped away into oblivion.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…Or so I thought.

Through the silence, I hear a faint sound.

My thoughts slowly become clearer and I hear a voice calling my name. It is a voice that sounds familiar, yet I can't quite place it.

I become aware of a light shining faintly through the darkness. I try to move towards the light. Something sticks out in my memory about people seeing a light at the end of a tunnel when they die. Since I am obviously dead, this makes sense.

As I get closer to the light, the voice calling my name gets louder. I also think I can hear music. It sounds beautiful and joyful- increasing my desire to reach the light.

Once I am almost to the light, I realize that my eyes are slowly opening. Upon realizing this, I will my eyes to open; they comply and I am almost blinded by how bright everything seems compared to the darkness.

A hand is reaching out to me, and this hand is attached to an arm, which is attached to a person whose face is smiling down at me.

Time stands still when I recognize this person.

I can barely bring myself to speak, I'm so shocked. Eventually I find my voice and whisper his name.

"…Marco?"

His smile widens, making him seem happier, if that's even possible.

I take Marco's hand and he helps me to stand up. The beautiful music continues playing, filling the air with liveliness. Gazing around, I see that I am in a beautiful garden filled with trees, bushes, and flowers. Everything seems to radiate joy, peace, and love.

Again I can't find my voice. Instead I look at Marco, taking in the fact that he's right here, in front of me. His freckled face is almost glowing with joy and peace. He is wearing a pure white robe, whiter than Levi's cravat, whiter than snow, whiter than the whitest clouds in the sky. His skin shows no scars or imperfections, no sign of pain or injury at all. He looks so…at peace.

And it's contagious; I can feel peace flooding through me just by being around him. I can feel myself beaming with the same joy that comes from the Source of Marco's joy. Somehow I know that my dear friend is soon going to take me to see this Source, a beautiful Love which pours out peace like a spring, a fountain, or even a waterfall.

But until then, in this moment, I am happy to simply be here with Marco, knowing that my best friend is whole again.

I finally find my voice. "Now I understand," I say softly, since my voice is almost trembling with happiness. "This is not truly death. This is life."

Marco nods, looking pleased that I understand. He holds out his arms and pulls me into a warm, loving embrace. And at last, I hear my best friend's voice again.

"Jean, my friend. Welcome home."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this story! I appreciate any comments or constructive criticism you have to offer.  
> ~BWP


End file.
